I think you should break up the quotes at the beginning of the film. Let's read a quote, then we hear the first guy say "I was beaten up in downtown Akron by a group of 6 black guys." then black again and we read the next quote. Then we go back to a the audio of the guys story and he says "I was walking the street, blah blah, and I feel WHACK and then there's like 6 guys on top of me kicking me and punching me." Then cut and go back to another quote on a black screen. Remove the part about grabbing the leg. He's a victim, we don't need to hear he fought back. Start the quote back up with "then they all leave and..." the last text quote could go right after "it so happens she was also black." and before "her circle of friends" then let his interview play out as you have it.
The screens of type have a readability issue at this size. Perhaps look at the timing of the text on screen but also consider a shadow on the text or some way to make it clear. The word 'stereotyped' that's written in both black and white is not working. Simplify that screen to allow all the letters to be one color.
Do we need the "Is race an issue all over the world" segment. I'm not sure what we are getting out of that as a viewer.?!? I also don't think we need the next segment about race in the us to the extent that you have it. I would recommend taking those 2 sections out and instead use only a couple sound bites from them mixed with appropriate images. Let's show news clipping (Phil) from the story's being discussed and not all the interviews. We can even bookend this section with a couple quotes from the end of the film or new different quotes. This will help break the repetitive form from beginning to end. Here's the sound bites I like from that section: "I think our culture influences other..." "We got a great glimpse of that with the..." "yes, or else there'd be perfect piece." "Now that I've come to Akron..." "This undercurrent of..." "In the US I'd say about..." "Race, i'd say it's a 10..." "I'd say it's getting better, with the younger..."
Under 'does race matter,' the dude in the blue hat does a hand gesture when saying "does race matter, no, no because." then there's an odd cut. the "because" gets cut off and feels awkward. Like you're editing his words. You'll have to edit that better so he doesn't say "because."
In the last segment I would switch the last 2 guys. The guy in the blue hat makes a stronger, simpler statement. Fade from him into the quotes.
I think you should break up the quotes at the beginning of the film. Let's read a quote, then we hear the first guy say "I was beaten up in downtown Akron by a group of 6 black guys." then black again and we read the next quote. Then we go back to a the audio of the guys story and he says "I was walking the street, blah blah, and I feel WHACK and then there's like 6 guys on top of me kicking me and punching me." Then cut and go back to another quote on a black screen. Remove the part about grabbing the leg. He's a victim, we don't need to hear he fought back. Start the quote back up with "then they all leave and..." the last text quote could go right after "it so happens she was also black." and before "her circle of friends" then let his interview play out as you have it.
ReplyDeleteThe screens of type have a readability issue at this size. Perhaps look at the timing of the text on screen but also consider a shadow on the text or some way to make it clear. The word 'stereotyped' that's written in both black and white is not working. Simplify that screen to allow all the letters to be one color.
ReplyDeleteDo we need the "Is race an issue all over the world" segment. I'm not sure what we are getting out of that as a viewer.?!? I also don't think we need the next segment about race in the us to the extent that you have it. I would recommend taking those 2 sections out and instead use only a couple sound bites from them mixed with appropriate images. Let's show news clipping (Phil) from the story's being discussed and not all the interviews. We can even bookend this section with a couple quotes from the end of the film or new different quotes. This will help break the repetitive form from beginning to end. Here's the sound bites I like from that section:
"I think our culture influences other..."
"We got a great glimpse of that with the..."
"yes, or else there'd be perfect piece."
"Now that I've come to Akron..."
"This undercurrent of..."
"In the US I'd say about..."
"Race, i'd say it's a 10..."
"I'd say it's getting better, with the younger..."
Under 'does race matter,' the dude in the blue hat does a hand gesture when saying "does race matter, no, no because." then there's an odd cut. the "because" gets cut off and feels awkward. Like you're editing his words. You'll have to edit that better so he doesn't say "because."
In the last segment I would switch the last 2 guys. The guy in the blue hat makes a stronger, simpler statement. Fade from him into the quotes.